So I was online and minding my own business and this dude IM's me cuz i was on his buddy list. I guess I bojangled him before cuz he said i was on his buddy list. I checked his profile to see if I could remember him and turns out hes a fuckin wacko. You can see his profile here. Enjoy.
NocturnusHumanis: Hello
Me: hi
NocturnusHumanis: Do I know you?
Me: the question is do i know you
NocturnusHumanis: Ahh, but I asked first.
Me: wow your profile says youre a wizard vampire
Me: is this true?
NocturnusHumanis: Aye.
Me: you suck blood?
NocturnusHumanis: Hence the name: Nocturnus Humanis
NocturnusHumanis: Aye.
Me: you cast spells?
NocturnusHumanis: That I do.
Me: so im guessing youve never seen women genitals?
NocturnusHumanis: See, now there is something that is a cold hard fact...Especially since I am gay.
Me: oh and i see you are a poet
NocturnusHumanis: That I am.
Me: you write "Heart and body, mind and soul, " and i think the next part should be, "head and sholders, knees and toes, knees and toes!"
Me: so youre a gay wizard vampire?
NocturnusHumanis: Rofl
NocturnusHumanis: That I am.
NocturnusHumanis: Except its more of a Warlock..
Me: im guessing you only suck the white blood cells?
NocturnusHumanis: Nope.
NocturnusHumanis: I suck Cum and Blood alike.
Me: youre a very health concious vampire im guessing
Me: with a high protein diet?
NocturnusHumanis: Lol. Oh yes, very high in protien.
Me: so whats the difference between a wizard and a warlock?
Me: besides the amount of crazy pills one takes
NocturnusHumanis: Warlock knows more Magick then a Wizard.
Me: oh how silly of me
NocturnusHumanis: Now, how on earth do I know you?
NocturnusHumanis: Do you happen to Chat on IRC?
Me: sorry for not understanding completly because i myself am a dark knight of the fifth chapel
Me: if by IRC you mean a magical tavern run by naked midget women then yes
NocturnusHumanis: Lol. Actually I meant mIRC, but I guess a Magical Tavern Run by Naked Midget Women wors too..
Me: fuckin right it does count cockula
NocturnusHumanis: Ahh..Hmm..
Me: so do you have pictures of you casting spells?
NocturnusHumanis: Hahahaha.
Me: i need proof!
NocturnusHumanis: I dont tend to take pictures of myself during my workings...
NocturnusHumanis: But if you want proof...then proof you shall have.
Me: ok....so whats that mean?
Me: you do have a picture?
NocturnusHumanis signed off at 10:14:05 PM.
Me: omg you vanished!
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NocturnusHumanis signed on at 10:14:44 PM.
Me: wow you vanished
NocturnusHumanis: No, my AIM was hating on me
NocturnusHumanis: What did you say before I left?
Me: oh i thought that was your teleport spell
NocturnusHumanis: Hahahaha
NocturnusHumanis: You only wish.
Me: you said i want proof and proof i shall have so i am sitting here pondering what ever thou meant
NocturnusHumanis: Unfortunately there is no such spell as a teleportation spell..
Me: for serious?
NocturnusHumanis: If there was, however, I wouldnt be sitting here talking to you.
NocturnusHumanis: I would be off in Rome killing the new pope.
NocturnusHumanis: Fucker looks like a very killable person, doesnt he?
Me: i dont know about all that
Me: wouldnt you want to suck the holy moly out of his hose?
NocturnusHumanis: No thanks. He's too old.
Me: oh
NocturnusHumanis: Old, Gross, and Holy
NocturnusHumanis: Notmy type..
Me: any way wacko jacko wheres the proof of your magic abilitys?
NocturnusHumanis: I prefer Young, Good looking, and unholy
Me: me too omg omg
NocturnusHumanis: Tell me your name and I shall give you the proof you desire.
Me: my friends call me edward dildo hands
NocturnusHumanis: Wow
Me: but you can call me willie
NocturnusHumanis: I feel sorry for you
Me: but for really honest my names willie
NocturnusHumanis: Well, nice to meet you Willie. Somehow you found your way onto my buddy list..
Me: i know spells too!
NocturnusHumanis: You wouldnt happen to remember a SN that was SamhainxMist do you?
Me: so you know spells to make people be your friend and not think youre completly wacko?
Me: omg i DO know that name
NocturnusHumanis: You seriously do
NocturnusHumanis: ?
Me: for serious
NocturnusHumanis: Ahh, that is me.
Me: touch blue make it true
Me: touch black take it back....to africa
NocturnusHumanis: Interesting..
Me: so tell me of your magical spells
Me: im intreigued by crazy people
NocturnusHumanis: First, tell me how you know SamhainxMist
Me: well you see one day i was involved in a circle jerk with hitler then he cast a level 5 fire spell on hitler which he dodged and then he had to quickly cast a blizzard cone blast spell which knocked hitler to the floor and hitlers luger went off and the bullet bounced off the walls and hit hitler in the head and thus ending the cival war and the vikings triumphed and it looked like suacide so we didnt have to sit around for questioning from the pirates
Me: when i say he i am refering to samhainxmist
NocturnusHumanis: *dies laughing* Unfortunately...I do not like Hitler...
Me: thats why you killed him with your spells
NocturnusHumanis: So I wouldnt be in a Circle Jerk with him..
NocturnusHumanis: And I dont kill people.
NocturnusHumanis: I'm not entirely cold and heartless
Me: no I was in one with him, you saved my life
NocturnusHumanis: Ahh. Well, then I believe you owe me a thanks?
Me: you dont kill people? so you wouldnt kill hitler but you said the pope looks killable?
NocturnusHumanis: I said he looks killable
NocturnusHumanis: I didnt say I would kill him
Me: no you said he looks fuckable
Me: and you said you want to sodamize him to death
NocturnusHumanis: Rofl.
Me: this is no laughing matter
NocturnusHumanis: Now, seriously, how the fuck did you happen to find your way onto my buddy list?
Me: we probably had cyber sex
NocturnusHumanis: Hmmm
NocturnusHumanis: Where, I'll never know..
Me: give me an example of your spells
NocturnusHumanis: Also, the fact that I dont do Cyber sex works against your theory.
Me: oh probably the vampire fan club
NocturnusHumanis: Hmm...
NocturnusHumanis: You know, I would like a Straight answer, as this is very perplexing to me...
NocturnusHumanis: I do not remember ever adding you to my buddy list.
Me: haha you said straight....and youre gay....omg GET IT!
NocturnusHumanis: *rolls his eyes*
Me: you should be rolling deez
Me: DEEZ NUTS
Me: OH BURN!
NocturnusHumanis: Ahem..Not really.
NocturnusHumanis: You're just an immature child...
NocturnusHumanis: Now let me think to where I met you..
Me: im not a child im 13, im a teenager!
Me: so do you actually suck blood?
NocturnusHumanis: Hah.
NocturnusHumanis: Yes, I actually do.
Me: from someones neck?
NocturnusHumanis: Depends on if they'll let me
NocturnusHumanis: Usually I just bite their hand or something
Me: i hear the most potent blood comes from the anus hole
NocturnusHumanis: Ahh...You've heard wrong..
Me: wow thats awfully nice of you
Me: so did your dad abuse you?
NocturnusHumanis: Actually No.
NocturnusHumanis: And I still live with the fucker.
Me: your mom a druggie?
Me: oh so oyu dont like him?
NocturnusHumanis: Nope.
NocturnusHumanis: And No.
Me: he doesnt approve of your life style of being a vampire wizard warlock who rides the cock?
NocturnusHumanis: hmmm
NocturnusHumanis: God Damn it all to hell..I cant remember you so I'll just block you and pretend i never saw your SN.
Me: no
Me: dont
Me: i must learn how you cast spells
NocturnusHumanis: Then you're asking the wrong person, I'm not into teaching.
Me: please tell me before you teleport away forever
NocturnusHumanis: I do not have the patience
Me: what kind of spells do you cast?
NocturnusHumanis: All kinds..
Me: omg my dogs licking my feet isnt that CRAAAAAAAAZY?
Me: give me examples
NocturnusHumanis: Now if you'll excuse me...I have to pretend that I dont know you.
Me: no but were falling in love
Me: you must have cast a love spell on me
NocturnusHumanis: Oh yes, thats it.
NocturnusHumanis: I'm so sorry, I must have just said it on accident.
NocturnusHumanis: Can you EVER forgive me?
Me: i dont know ive falen so hard
NocturnusHumanis: Oh I'm so sorry...I'm not into 13 year olds...
NocturnusHumanis: Their dicks are so so so small..
NocturnusHumanis: It doesnt do anything for me..
Me: oh did i say 13? i meant 130! IM A VAMPIRE OOOOOOOOO!
Me: how old are you?
NocturnusHumanis: 17
Me: oh now whos the small cock!
Me: probably a measley 15 inches!
NocturnusHumanis: Bah. You? 15 inches? PAH!
NocturnusHumanis: Please, my chest hurts too much for me to laugh.
NocturnusHumanis: Please stop making me laugh.
Me: does your mouth hurt too much for a tea bag?
Me: i must warn you my nuts weigh roughly 23 pounds
NocturnusHumanis: hah
Me: i want you to hum on my scroat like a moter boat!
Me: brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Me: brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Me: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
NocturnusHumanis: *dies laughing* Poor young naive child..
Me: you missed the T in native
NocturnusHumanis: Ahh...No I didnt!! I meant Naive...
Me: you silly mortal
Me: you keep missing the T
NocturnusHumanis: Oh I'm dreadfully sorry
Me: its ok youre only 17 youll stop making up words in a few hundred years
NocturnusHumanis: Aww, I suppose I'll just have to lick your nuts so you'll forgive me.
Me: yarg now ye be talkin matey
NocturnusHumanis: Ahh, now you are a pirate?
Me: start with some nut polishing and then follow it up with a nice swabbing of the poop deck
Me: im 130 years old, im many things
Me: im a blacksmith
NocturnusHumanis: Hahaha.
Me: im a ninja
Me: im a boot
NocturnusHumanis: A nut polishing then a swabbing of the poop deck?
NocturnusHumanis: Oh please stop my dick is raging hard just thinking about it!
Me: yea suck my testicles then lick my crusty butthole
Me: yea your nearly microscopic 15 inch penis
Me: whats it weigh like 3 pounds?
NocturnusHumanis: *yawns* You're extremely boring..
Me: have fun pleasing a farm animal NOOBIE!
Me: i dont mean to brag...but...i have sex with planets
NocturnusHumanis: That must be very...Sad...
NocturnusHumanis: How does that make you feel?
Me: like a man!
Me: while youre face fucking a crater faced manager of mcdonalds ill be fucking crater faced planets
NocturnusHumanis signed off at 10:43:41 PM.
Me: no my lovely
Me: come back for tongue kisses and magma fireball spells
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